I was asked to participate in a demonstration during a class on Emotional Release using Essential Oils. Eagar to learn more about personal development, I agreed. Not knowing 100% what I had agreed to.
I stepped into the class ready to go, I took notes, and received so much insight. Speaking honestly, I thought I was proficient in emotional release – little did I know, I was merely scratching the surface.
When it came time for the demonstration, my excitement had not dulled. Free emotional release is never a bad thing.
I was asked to think of a goal, and I immediately went to my weight. When asked on a scale of 0 – 10, what was the likelihood that I would achieve this goal. I cheerfully lied and said, “Seven”. Once I realized I needed to ”dig deeper”, I focused further on my weight.
I went back in my mind to the hour before while I was driving down the road. I convinced myself that I was starving, and that I would not be able to wait until I got home. I convinced myself that I would go to Chick-fil-a, and order some grilled chicken and a fruit cup. I pulled through the drivethrough, and before I could even think, I ordered a fried chicken sandwich with a large fry. My processed meal was scarfed down in a matter of minuets. Then it hit me…the high. This high lasted for a few moments until the regret began to literally sat in my stomach. Another nasty meal that I did not need; another high.
Back to the demonstration.
Once I had decided my goal, I had the option to keep it private. Because I found it pointless for those watching, I decided to put words to my goal. After trying to find the correct statement, I settled with, “I will not reward myself with food”. Thinking back, I should have said, “I will not use food as a drug”. Now it was time to scale it. I sadly rated the likelihood of achieving this goal at a zero.
The next step was to put words to the negative voices without passing judgement on myself. My inner demons told me, “You’ve always been this way. Why change now?” Once I voiced the negative, I was then instructed to speak a one word emotion for this negative thought. The word ”disappointed” immediately came to mind.
Now my favorite part…oils! I was given a blend, and I was instructed to smell these oils. While smelling them in my hands, I was asked to let my mind drift to a time when I felt disappointment. It took some time, but I finally got a picture. It was me standing at Lake Michigan. I had a smile on my face, but I was anything but happy. My post-pardum depression was at its peak during this time, and I had never felt more unstable. It was the Fourth of July, and I asked someone to take my picture. The moment I opened the phone to look at the picture, disappointment hit me like lightening. All I could say was, “Is this what I look like?” I know my diet could improve, but I thought I had lost more than this?
I spoke this truth out loud for all to hear. I could literally feel this disappointment in my stomach. I was then asked to smell the blend again, but this time, let the emotions flow through me, and focus on the positive voices speaking. It took time, but I heard the still small voice say, “You’ve committed yourself to being healthy before, and you can do it again.”
On to round two I go.
I spoke my goal, “I will not reward myself with food.” This time, there was no negative emotion, but an excuse. I immediately said, “I cannot complete this goal because my weight gain is due to my recently diagnosed PCOS so again, why bother.” My feeling was hopeless.
We went through the same steps as before, but with a different blend of oil. I traveled into my mind to a time I felt hopeless. This time was easier than the first. I felt this hopelessness reside right in my heart as I spoke of my hopeless time.
It was the same time period as before. Depression, and anxiety had a firm grip on my life. I was speaking to my then fiancé on the phone telling him I did not think we were going to work out. Once he got home, I told him we had no hope, and things would be best if we parted ways. It was easier to walk away, than to fight the battle. The picture below was my first day as a “single mom” because I let the hopeless emotion win.
Now it was time to feel my emotion and let it flow through me. Again, this time was much faster. The picture of hoplessness faded, and I spoke, ” Hope was only absent for a moment. We worked things out. I have felt hopelessness leave before, it can leave again.”
Same steps, but this time a different story. I spoke my goal, and immediately, fear flooded me. My lungs ached as I said, “I’m not afraid to fail. I am afraid to succeed, and that makes me sad.”
Same process, but a different blend.
The moment I cupped my hands over my nose, my stomach turned. My brain sensed danger, and it began to build a wall. I powered through trying to remember a time when I was sad based from fear.
I was 19. Making good grades in college and making a path for myself. For reasons I will never be able to explain, my fear of succeeding, justified my decision to drop out of college.
I took many deep breaths. Focusing on my disappointment, hopelessness, and sadness. I let them flow through me, and I then let them go. Tears began to form as the still small voice spoke. I felt, grace, forgiveness, and love. The picture of me at 19 did not fade in my mind as it stays as a reminder.
As tears ran down my cheek, the only statement I could speak when asked to speak the positive, was, “I am not her anymore.”
The release was a feeling that I will never be able to put into words, but I could not be more thankful for it. Even the horror of being emotionally vulnerable in front of 50 people, was washed away.
The demonstration ended with a new blend, and a new mantra. It took a few moments to jump the hurdle that I deserved a new mantra. With some help, I landed on the most lovely mantra.
“I am a new creation.”