Ever since Griffin was born, I have struggled with routine. The routine that once came easy, dissolved in a few short weeks. It did not happen from lack of help; honestly, I do not know how it happened. I set goals weekly, and it seems that only half are being met half of the time. Some days make me proud, and others disappointed. For some reason I find myself only focusing on the disappointment.
Last night, I signed up for the 5:30 am CrossFit class and realized I was the only one. In a way, I like it when I’m the only one because that means I absolutely have to go. The last thing you want to do is to peeve your CrossFit Coach!!
The alarm goes off, and I hit snooze…twice. Then I wake in a panic, and dash out the door. Thank goodness I was only six minuets late. As I walk in, I see my friend, and I’m happy that I’m indeed not working out alone today. I sit down to put on my shoes (because I ran out of the house barefoot), and I do the typical morning small talk with my friend. Then she said the most perfect thing to me, that anyone could have said. She said, “Just be gracious with yourself.” I would like to say that it hit me like a ton of bricks, but that doesn’t do it justice. It hit me like when you hop out of bed on a cold day, and you realize it is actually Saturday, and you have no plans so you hop back in bed!
Back to reality, I killed the WOD, left the gym, and started my drive to work. In my hour long commute, I kept thinking about being gracious with myself. I obviously knew what the word meant, but I wanted to read the exact definition so I Googled it once I got to work. The word gracious is defined as, “courteous, kind, and pleasant” with its most common synonyms being the following: merciful, generous, friendly, forgiving…” Again, cold morning…Saturday…no plans.
Most people are taught from the beginning to always be gracious to others. Somehow, being gracious with ourselves falls through the cracks.
I have said it before, and I will say it again, nothing is coincidental. I hit snooze twice this morning because I had to get to the gym at 5:36am to sit across from a friend that would make my whole day what it is at this moment. Sometimes it takes the outside source to really hit home.
Even though I will more than likely disappoint myself in the future, in this moment, I am drinking my second cup of coffee, thankful for friends, thankful for love, and bathing in grace.
2 Corinthians 13:14New International Version (NIV)
May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.