love

I Knew I Loved You

I came out of the womb a hopeless romantic. I’d meet the man of my dreams, we would fall in love, get married, and the have a million babies. I did not know who this man would be, but I knew I would love him with everything I had.In turn, he would love me with everything as well. I would go to sleep at night and plan my “big day”. I would wear a beautiful white dress (made by my mother obviously), I would have twelve bridesmaids, and we would dance to a Shania Twain song.

Step one in this quest for love was obvious; I had to find a willing partner. In my search, there were many hopefuls.

There was the boy with blonde curly hair who moved away, then the guy who resembled Napoleon Dynamite more than I would like to admit. After that, there was the guy who kissed me on the back of the church bus, but went and asked out a different girl the next day. That is where I realized my first sting of heartbreak. Was there something wrong with me? Was I ugly? Was I fat? What was the problem?!

I then attempted to date my best friend, which proved to me that you can indeed be “just friends”.

After that, in my sixteen year old innocence, I fell for the worst type of boy…the older boy. This was it. This was the one!I am now officially a grown up. I knew that this was the one because I was sixteen, and everyone knows that you are never more wise than when you are sixteen. Like most older boys, they crush you. I found myself sobbing in my bed asking the same old questions. What is wrong with me? Why not me? I have so much love to give, and you don’t want it?

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Once that wound began to heal, there was the musician. I was never asked out on a date, but he did show me some awesome new bands.

Then there was the childhood best friend who asked me to marry him. I was so blinded that I completely ignored the fact that he fell in love with certain substances over me.Instead of holding me when I cried, he would make me cry. It was ok, because it was love. Right?  I learned that you can give everything you have, but if it is not right, it is simply not right. During this time I realized that the problem might not lie with me, but with my candidates.

I, as most women say, “swore off men”. I didn’t need a boyfriend. I was a beautiful twenty year old with potential. I listened to awesome music, and had great friends. I worked on movie sets and I got to meet amazing people every day. I told my made up dream guy, “I love you, but stay put. I don’t need you.”149266_10150098478754258_4683901_n

I was then invited to typical friday night party. I drove up with my girls in my sleek Volvo, wearing this amazing hippie skirt. I, needless to say, looked flawless. I passed the ex-boyfriend and reluctantly greeted him.

As the party progressed I overheard my friend talking about this guy. “He’s sweet, hard working, and just looking for a nice girl.” Hey! I’m a nice girl! Too bad I’m not looking.

Then I met him in a hallway, and time stopped. My vision tunneled, and my heart skipped a beat. I knew I loved him. A million little things happened that caused us to talk the entire night. He was everything. Could he be my everything? Could I be his everything?

Seconds turned to minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years. Some times were better than others, but all perfect. The apartment turned into a tiny house, and together, we went from a couple, to a family of three. We grew up together, and grew together. We attempted to give up, but soon realized we weren’t quitters.Two dogs turned into three, and a goat was in the mix at one point.He held me when I cried, and was always there. We were ultimate teammates. I knew I loved him.

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We then sat on the beach at night, and he said words that will forever remain between the two of us.He then asked me to marry him and I gladly accepted.

Eleven months later, I put on my mother made ivory dress and walked down the aisle with my dad, behind my five bridesmaids. It rained the entire day, and I have never been happier. A tsunami couldn’t wash away my dream day.

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My dream man I knew I loved now has a tan face, black hair, and green eyes. He has a gentle touch, and a soul made of gold. We talk about our dreams, hopes, and fears, and they always fit together like a puzzle.

He is the reason all my past candidates failed miserably. He’s the reason I searched, wondered, and cried. Every awkward moment, every failure, and every heartbreak led me one step closer to him. I would do it the exact same way if given the chance. Simply because when you love something, you never let it go; and I knew I loved you.

 

 

 

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